Why I'm 25 and Still Not Married

I was having a conversation with a bus driver on Metro Transit bus route 70 last night and we were talking about marriage and why people my age are in a big rush to get married. Basically, this is what we talked about.

Marriage is the number one cause of divorce. The end of dating. The end of your sex life. Something I will never experience because, women for some reason, do not like me and I have become totally invisible to the opposite sex. Anyways..........

It has three phases: lust (when you are newlyweds) rust and dust. Which phase is your marriage in? Marriage is taken way too lightly in our society. Most people don’t realize that marriage is the hardest commitment for anyone to make. People often treat marriage as a convenience rather than a covenant, thinking how they can benefit from marriage rather than how to meet the needs of your spouse. Anyone with half a brain and $50 for a license can get married but it takes real commitment to make it work. The problem with successful marriage today is:

1. PRECONCEIVED NOTIONS OF WHAT IT WILL BE LIKE MIXED WITH POOR PREPARATION/PLANNING:

It amazes than any state will make you study for a time to get a drivers license but will instantly grant a marriage license for $50 and a blood test to any nieve couple stupid enough to marry, having the ability to ruin lives of future children and themselves if it goes wrong. The couple thinks all will be happily ever after and they will have a perfect family and live in the burbs with white, picket fences. They are willing to say their “I do’s” at the altar without knowing what to do when the honeymoon is over and adversity and trials begin. You marry a sweet girl or nice guy at the altar and then, when they honeymoon is over and you return home, the person’s real colors come out. Most couples don’t discuss their goals for the marriage or even WHY they are getting married. They don’t discuss issues of how they will raise their children, where they will live, how to budget their income, etc. Failed marriages are often the result of poor planning because the couple has not yet discovered, until it is too late, that they are not compatible for marrying each other.

2. LACK OF COMMUNICATION.

It amazes me that we have invented technology for men on earth to talk to men on the moon but cant figure out how a couple can communicate at the dinner table. A bride-to-be doesn’t discuss with her husband-to-be (or vice versa) what their needs are, what irritates her, what her sexual needs are, how they feel, how they relate to each other, their weaknesses, strengths, etc. They feel as though their emotional nudity will result in rejection. But communication is mandatory if you want to get to know the person with whom will spend the rest of your life.

3. FALLING IN LOVE IS NOT A REASON TO GET MARRIED.

Any hormone-driven Harry can fall for anything in a skirt with lipstick and highheels. You can’t live on love because what are you going to do when you don’t feel as though you are in love with your spouse at any time? There has to be more than love to proceed to marriage—a plan needs to be created. You need to determine what you want to accomplish in your future marriage and not just jump into it because you have the urge to merge. Ask yourself, “why am I wanting to marry this person?” As I said, there MUST be a goal or it WILL fail.

Marriage today has become a failed institution because our society has failed to “learn how to be married.” People take it too light and treat it as a convenience rather than a spiritual covenant. Marriage is in awesome institution when it works but can be devastating to lives when it doesn’t.

Marriage is not to be taken lightly. You must know what you are getting into and with whom before walking down the isle with your Cinderella/Prince Charming.

Anyways, not that anyone will care what I have to say but this is my opinion about the issue and the driver seemed to agree with me. I'm not trying to knock anybody down if they want to get married in their mid-20s but this is what I see in a lot of marriages, especially involving my friends/family who chose to get married before they're ready.

Best of 2000 – 2009

After thinking about it the last few days and many, many bus rides later, the Zeros (2000-2009) are coming to an end, so it is that time of the decade where we come out with our Top lists of everything. These lists are in no particular order.

BEST MOVIES
- The Hangover
- Transformers
- Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
- A Serious Man
- Where the Wild Things Are
- Paranormal Activity
- Eurotrip
- American Pie (But I think only 2 & 3 can be official since the original was produced in the ’90s)
- Wedding Crashers
- Old School
- Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
- The Dark Knight

BEST BOOKS

My head was buried in a textbook all year. I couldn’t even begin to tell you what great books made the shelves this year.

BEST MUSIC

Who am I kidding? I thought the music in this decade was awful! Rap got to the point where you either can’t understand the words or degrading people. Same can be said with heavy metal. Also, way too many sappy, love songs. What ever happened to the good music of the 70s, 80s & 90s?

BEST NIGHT OUTS

- The Dinkytowner (Dinkytown, Minneapolis)
- Uptown Café (Uptown, Minneapolis)
- Brit’s Pub (Downtown, Minneapolis)
- Kieran’s Irish Pub (Downtown, Minneapolis)
- Black Dog Café (Lowertown, St. Paul)
- Groveland Tap (Mac-Groveland, St. Paul)
- Tiffany’s (Highland Village, St. Paul)
- Gallaghers (West Side, West St. Paul)

BEST COFFEE SHOPS

-Tea Garden (Uptown, Minneapolis, Downtown, St. Paul)
-Spyhouse (Hennepin Ave & Franklin Ave, Uptown, Minneapolis and Nicollet Ave & 25th St, South Minneapolis)
-Espresso Royale (Dinkytown, Minneapolis)
-Dunn Brothers (5th St & Wabasha St, Downtown, St. Paul, Minneapolis Central Library, Downtown, Minneapolis and Highway 244 & Highway 120, White Bear Lake)
-Black Dog Café (Lowertown, St. Paul)

HEADLINES

- September 11, 2001.
- Tom Petters found guilty on all 25 charges
- Brett Favre becomes a Viking.
- Minnesota Twins vs Detroit Tigers one game playoff
- St. Paul Couple’s Wedding Dance Down The Aisle
- Barak Obama being sworn in as the nation’s first black president
- The death of Michael Jackson, Kirby Puckett, and Herb Brooks
- The economy
- Virginia Tech/Fort Hood Shootings
- Miracle of the Hudson
- Health Care
- Northwest Airlines overshoots the Twin CIties by 150 miles

2009 Retrospect

Things I learned in 2009:

- When civil society falls, everything else goes quickly with it.
- Competition.
- I can go five full months without any kind of alcohol. Don’t ask how I did it.
- Speaking the truth gets a little easier each time you do it.
- I prefer to just tell the truth and laugh about it.
- Regret is a waste of time.
- I couldn’t give up on love if I tried.
- A woman’s chemistry can make her crazy.
- A man’s chemistry can make her absolutely crazy.
- There are few things more terrifying than karaoke.
- There are few things more liberating than karaoke.
- Traveling is magical, inspiring, and life-changing.
- Saying what you mean and meaning what you say can be scary sometimes.
- No matter how uncaring some of your family is, they are still your family, no matter what.

Things I learned 2000-2009:

- Everything

End of the Semester Reflection

After taking this class, it really has helped my understanding of the journalism world. I never realized there was an entire writing style for journalism (AP). It took some time for me to get used to the style but I got the hang of it. It is because of taking this class, I have a higher respect for the people who are currently working in this field. It is much harder that I thought it would be. The pressuring deadlines. The information they need to do the story. The amount of work one has to go through to make a newscast or newspaper happen. The ideas one has to come up with. The list goes on and on.

I find it amazing how before taking this class I had the hardest time coming up with ideas that were interesting to not only to me, but to others. I would research ideas for countless hours and wouldn't come up with not even one idea. Now that I've taken this class, the only reason why I found it difficult was because I was making it difficult. There are endless amounts of interesting stories out there that are waiting to be written. For example, I am doing a research paper on social networking sites (Facebook, Twitter, the soon-to-be-dead MySpace) and the psychological effects it has on us. Not because of any classes, it is a personal choice. I find that to be interesting, especially with the older generation joining sites like Facebook. It is amazing how the older generation, the generation who didn't grow up using computers, are online.

Even though I have a better understanding of the field, I think at this point, I may take a "detour" in my career path. Right now, with the economy the way it is and the fact the job market isn't very good, journalism isn't the way to go. As we all know, journalism is having a very hard time surviving because of the Internet (and the recession). But I am going to continue to write, after all, it is my favorite thing to do, especially after a long day at school and work. Studies shown it is a good way to relieve stress, especially if there is no one available to you. I write in a password-protected Word document that I write in on a daily (or almost daily) basis. Sometimes more if need be.

In the mean time, I am getting set to graduate from Inver Hills Community College next week!!!!!!! Whooooooo-hooooooooo!!!! (Sorry, I'm little excited.) I'm transferring to Saint Paul College, starting in January for Web Site Design. I thought I go into a program where people are needed, especially in this economy. I am starting my own little photography website. No, not Flickr or Slide but my own individual page with my own work. I'm hoping to get that online this week. If you want the link, feel free to e-mail me (kevinmjack@gmail.com). With the pushing from my photography instructor, I entered some of my work into a photography show for college students enrolled in a photography class. Should be interesting to see how far I go.

Maybe photojournalism is in my future??? Hmmmmm. Who knows.

Defriending can bruise your 'digital ego'

Defriending can bruise your 'digital ego'
Source: http://www.cnn.com/2009/TECH/science/10/30/online.rejection.defriending/index.html

Researchers say our reaction to social rejection is the same whether it happens online or offline. There are some users how think you can avoid the awkwardness of defriending someone by sending them an e-mail to explain. "You have no facial expression online; you have no tone of voice online; it's very easy to misinterpret phrasing in an e-mail. You have to be very careful about your wording and be more explicit with people when you're making or removing connections," Sepp said. "That's why it's so important to connect with people that you actually know."

(Note: I just would like to say that I use Facebook on a regular basis I've been on both ends of being defriended. When I get defriended by someone else it doesn't affect me because chances are, it is someone I haven't talked to or seen in quite some time. I won't go through my list trying to find out who deleted me. When I defriend someone, that person finds out quickly, then I get yelled at because of it. I have my reasons for defriending someone.)

Investigators: Military to Charge Ft. Hood Suspect

Investigators: Military to Charge Ft. Hood Suspect
Source: http://kstp.com/news/stories/S1242016.shtml?cat=1

Investigators officials report Army psychiatrist accused of the Fort Hood massacre will be charged by the U.S. military rather than a civilian court. Officials also report the shooter, Maj. Malik Hasan communicated with a radical imam overseas at least 10 to 20 times.

Halloween Costumes

Ah. Halloween. When I was a young child, I always thought Halloween was a child's "holiday." We would dress up as ghosts and gobblins, princes and princesses and the list goes on. As I got older, I thought that I was getting to old for Halloween. I was wrong.

I realized over the last few years is Halloween is starting to become more of an adult holiday. I don't see children dressed up going trick-or-treating anymore. For example, only 10 children stopped at my house for candy. Compare that to the 100 kids we had last year. Of course, I believe the H1N1 scare may have played a big role in this.

But I saw more adults (my age) wearing costumes and going to bars to have a great time. Trust me, I did the exact same thing. Only expection: I wore a piece of tin foil as my costume. Keep in mind, I only did this because Chipotle was handing out free buritos for anyone wearing a buritto costume or tin foil in shape of a buritto. I will admit that a spicy burrito and alcohol don't mix. I find it amazing what people would do for free food. But I went out dressed like I usually do. Nice shirt, jeans and a pair of really nice shoes.

I was riding Metro Transit bus route 6 on Halloween night heading from my friend's house in Dinkytown to Downtown Minneapolis and I saw a guy who was dressed exactly like a robot from a TV show. I thought it was "American Dad" but it wsan't. (I know it's an adult cartoon. Maybe someone out there knows what I'm talking about.) But what made it funny was it was so big, he couldn't fit into the seat. By the way, he was laughing about it to so, I suppose it was okay to laugh along. Great costume though. It was really the only creative one I saw the entire night.